Don't get me wrong; we loved having the Bielefelders, and when we got started, I was fortunate enough to find a local breeder that has excellent stock.
The problem, as usual, is me. I've always been a very excitable, spontaneous, ready-fire-aim girl, and starting with chickens were no exception to that tendency (bad habit). I chose a good breed, a very good breeder...and got them before we were at all ready for having them here on our property. My husband, being incredibly supportive, made do - altering things we already had on hand and putting off other projects in favor of the new thing I'd brought in this time. Yeah, I'm a repeat offender.
Here's the thing, although I'd settled into the knowledge that we were doing just fine with chickens, rabbits and goats, I do get bored very easily. I feel the near constant urge to tweak things, change them up, play with varieties and so forth. When I'm feeling stressed about anything, that urge spikes. The last year or so have been more stressful than normal, and the last couple of months especially so.
When I'd decided to change from Bielefelders to Icelandics altogether, hubby and I had another kind of Come-To-Jesus talk - me whining that things weren't working, and him giving me his incredulous look closely followed by a barrage of logic. Usually, I get really defensive and frustrated having so much logic thrown at me, but this time, I embraced it. Deep down, I knew I needed him to lead on this one, because I've been screwing it up for far too long. No, I wasn't going to like what he had to say, and yes, it was long past time that I stopped being stubborn and listened with a truly open mind.
At this point, the chickens were already sold and gone, which was for the best. Our farm yard is trashed right now, no projects are getting done, and I'm so stressed that I've turned into a snarling hair trigger temper tantrum kind of wife and mother. NOT OK. Something had to give, to start the little changes that lead to the bigger and much more important, and admittedly tougher changes that need to happen.
And guess what? Letting go of the chickens entirely made something click in my mind, finally. That one little step that felt so big made me realize that it's totally ok to take steps back, if it means easing the daily pressure I'd put on myself. Making that single decision, independently, and following through on it, was a relief.
We still have rabbits and goats; the goats aren't going anywhere, as they're really not a problem at all. The rabbits still need to have decisions made and get pared back, though they're not an issue in and of themselves, and I'll wait another week or so before making any long term decisions on them. For now, I'm just going to enjoy the slower pace of our lighter farm, start picking up the pieces and getting it all tidied up again, and settle into the calmer routine while getting the farm and household organized and running efficiently.